i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
there is glitter all over my balls
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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