So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
