Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
