you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
