ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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