This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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