Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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