I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
