You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
