walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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