Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize