Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
