you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
