remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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