He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize