what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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