dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
