I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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