Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
