so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Me. At least after what I've been through.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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