Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
