He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
