I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
