If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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