I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
