"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
