I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
