the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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