I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
