wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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