In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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