I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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