Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize