the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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