and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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