first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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