I heard we made out
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
