sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
