so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Randomize
