Your face is a jimmy john
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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