I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize