The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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