I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
