Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
