i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Boobs are out for the taking
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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