He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
