I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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