when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
