I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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