I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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