The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
