I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
