i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish my penis had a tongue
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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