she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
