When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you had me at cake vodka
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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