whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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