thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wear drunk well.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
