dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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