I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
