im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
