shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
