So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
