I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
