How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
