it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
