There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
