I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
