i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
