i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
