he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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