He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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