so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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