i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
