My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
