bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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