Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
