party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
