This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
