Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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