My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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