Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
