Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize