You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
