dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
