im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
