I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
