Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
